I can hold my tongue….now what?

Okay, so I can hold my tongue now around my inlaws. I’ve managed it the whole weekend, with out saying anything. Well…minus one quick (probably missed) comment about ketchup (referring to when they decided to take it upon themselves to ‘teach ronan how to eat kethup corretly’ even though I have banned that item from his food list, and then reprimanded me for telling Ronan he couldnt have ketchup) at the dinner table. But you know what…holding this all in….has been making me so bitter and so angry, and so stressed out. I found myself just letting it all out on Ryan. not like…out out and im yelling at Ryan, but just telling him everything on my mind and how its driving me crazy being here. The way my decisions get questioned and how my inlaws have decided to make new plans/rules on how they will raise my son. Its more so with my father in law and all those comments that usually start with “well we do this with him…..we’ve been doing this……during the week this is how we…..kids his age need…..”

I have to say i did very well this weekend when I was finishing up an email online, and had Bob come down to say, “Sue and I are busy getting ready for people coming over, Ronan is poopy and you need to change his diaper”. Okay so after looking at him wondering why he would say something like this to me…I took a breath, and shrugged it off. Fine. Whatev. I know how to take care of my son, and I guess on the bright side it was nice of him to bring it to my attention….even if it was in a father telling his teenage daughter kinda away about it. So upon finishing the email i was all set to do this. I’ve been raising Ronan on my own since he was born…I dont think anyone reading this blog should question me and how long it would have taken me to get up and change my sons diaper. Its not an issue. But soon after this, Bob stops whatever he was busy with upstairs comes down and makes this whole scene of sighing and changing Ronans diaper in front of me, because apparently I didnt do it fast enough.

Right then and there, would have been an easy way for me to start something…no, it had already been started. But to continue this….whatever it was, and let Bob know that he did not need to step in again.

I could go in on the food aspects…..but really its long boring…and just imagine the worst. who knows…maybe i’ll blog about it another day.

I’m tired of being treated like Ronan’s 15 yr. old babysitter, and not his mother. I’m tired of the comments being made in my direction. I’m tired of the comments, looks, and the conclusions my inlaws come to when i stand up and make an executive decision. Tonight I got up and poured Ronan’s milk out of the sippy cup iwth the soft nipply like lid and into a hard sippy cup (ive said it more than once that my dr has said he needs a hard lid for his teeth, that the nipply like one is not good for him). Immediatley Sue makes a comment, like I’ve threatened her desicison or something. I’m caught between a rock and a hard place….I cant say anything, and if I do, it just causes more strife.

I’ve tried sitting back and not saying anything….but honestly, I feel like all I’m doing is making it better for my inlaws. When the core of the problem is focused around Ronan. If I dont say anything, than I’m just adding to the problem that Bob and Sue are creating in making it really tough on Ronan when we move. They have to know by what I’ve said and my actions that even though they give my son 4 glasses of milk or more a day, that as soon as im out of their house im only going to give ronan one glass of SOY MILK a day, and balance his calcium out in other ways. They can say waht they want over the phone to Ryan after we move, give their advice and opinions…but the end of the story is that Ryan and I will make the decision on how to raise our children.

Its hard living here with people who are my husbands parents who are so ….into my life, with out letting me live it…or live it with my son (like how my son wont even let me do any of our night tie routines anymore…he has to have PAPA….and his quick go to bed routine has been stretched out so long, i know when we get ot hawaii that I’m going to have a newborn who is up all the time and a two year old who for the last so many months has been trained to not go to bed on his own) While my parents are quite the opposite, and when i lived with them or when they visit, i have to ASK them to do anything, because they dont want to overstep their bounds. I had to beg my mum to watch Ronan so i could go to the hot tub down the street one night. because I can raise my son, I can learn with him how to raise him, and I wont regret this time when I went to school that I missed out on his life. A time that I can never get back.

It seems evident to me, the way they get upset at how i I reaact or dont reacct, or whatever it is they complain to my husband about, that everything they do in this aspect is only driving me further and further away from them. I seriously hope we never live in the midwest and are always an expensive plane ride away. I hate to have to say that…but thats how my feelings are right now.

I like my inlaws, i love that both sets of parents get along great, and i’ve heard horror stories about inlaws. So i know i should feel good about being here.

But with that said, im counting down the days till I leave and I feel so guilty about eveything that is happening here around Ronan. April is going to suck so bad for him, because I’m going to have him back on a normal eating regimine (no canned vegtables, only fresh fruit, only soymilk and water to drink, a lot more vegtables, no ketchup or dressings, only one movie or two tv shows a day, potty training, no milk before bed, a shorter bedtime regimne, no being allowed to wine and have a fit (have to sit in time out), etc……….) thats just a few things. then the newborn will be here, and it will have more struggles. Its just sad that my inlaws feel they have to win each battle, because in the end, its only going to make it harder on Ronan.

Advice accepted.

Okay so im writting this almost 2 hours after putting Ronan to bed. Thats right…I finally got a chance to do it. I so miss it. Especially being at school all day, I crave any time I can with Ronan. Though I was having fun with Ronan when I got home, as soon as PaPa came home, all Ronan wanted was him. When I tried to take him downstairs to play after dinner, he just cried tears and screamed for “PaPa”. So I went upstairs and watched some tv, and did somethings online. Hoping Ryan would call again. He didnt. Well after his bath and now in his pjs, he pushed my bedroom door open (my door doesnt stay shut, even teh dog can push it open, its annoying. Talk about lack of privacy.). I took him inside, shut the door behind us, and showed him pictures of penguins on my computer. Ronan loves penguins and hippos. Then he kept wanting milk, and I told him no several times. he had milk for dinner and besides he doesnt need added fluids before bedtime. He wanted a book, so we went to his room, I read him three books (my limit) and then we sang our song. And it was just cute. Imagine this…Ronan and his little arms, tightly held around my neck and singing (in baby jibberish) to the tune of the song. I put him in his bed, got him his stuffed penguin, and tucked him in after our prayers and kisses. Yes he requested milk and cried a bit after i finally left…but he eventually went to sleep Badda bing badda boom. Thats how its done. I crave those times with Ronan, and I cant help but feel anger towards my inlaws…mainly my father in law, when those times get stolen away for “PaPa”. Someone who cant say not to Ronan, who will let Ronan stretch out changing his clothes to 30 minutes when it should only take 5 minutes, but yet tells me how I should raise my child.